I’ve been playing around with this thought that we aren’t all built for the struggles of others….unless…
With everything I’ve been through and everyone who’s chosen not to be with me during this, I’ve thought about those who have rode this Rollercoaster along side me.
This morning, a little more clarity came with a recent thought about armor.
“A knight in shining armor.”
‘A Knight’s Tale’
Now, as a child I heard many stories about the knight in shining armor. I’m sure you did too, but I was taught to not need a man. Plain and simple. As a woman, I could be and do whatever I wanted and I didn’t need rescuing – like the lonely princess in the tower.
Let’s be real though, it was hard not to think about a guy sweeping me off my feet. At some point, I wondered if it was me meant to sweep a girl off her feet or to be the woman a man didn’t need to baby or take care of – a strong a woman on his arm.
Fast forward to now. The distortion of expectations over the years has been an adventure of its own to heal, but the armor continues to hold in my mind.
I’ve mentioned before that we are all forged in fires, but I didn’t really wrap my head around something until this morning.
Insert the movie ‘A Knight’s Tale’ with Health Ledger. During one particular part of the movie, Ledger’s character, William Thatcher, finishes a competition and his armor that was already too small and not originally made for him busted. No one will fix it without pay until he slyly convinces a female blacksmith named Kate, played by Laura Fraser, to do it. Naturally her skills are questioned because she is a female and when she provides the new armor it is of different material and a different technique. When it’s tested, Ledger and the entourage played by Mark Addy, Paul Bettany, and Alan Tudyk are surprised that though it’s by her hands and lighter, it is stronger.
Because of her experience with doubtful men in the blacksmkth trade, she had to learn to do things a different way. Find a way to be the best. To stand out. She had to make armor unlike any other and find someone willing to give her a shot. Through all the naysayers, the harassment, the creativity of thought, and risk, she made something stronger than any of them had seen.
That incredible lesson aside for a moment, the armor itself is what drove me to this train of thought.
We all wear different armor. Some are new and shiny and have never seen battle. Others have been damaged, broken, repaired. They have seen the battles of hell and back. Some have been damaged through to their core and continue to battle with broken armor, never taking a pause. They don’t tend to the cracked shield. They don’t weld the pieces that have begun to fall from them.
And then you have people like the Female Blacksmith – because they found new ways to mend their armor, they tested new metals, they worked with new techniques…they have found a lighter material, and stronger weld to hold their armor.
They have a lighter step in life. They have a stronger fight without the need for the “all talk” notion that gets the other side frighten enough not to battle – to avoid working with the shadows in their lives. They have a different approach because they trust their armor, because they worked hard to create an armor unlike any other, because of the battles they’ve faced and the time and care they took.
It all played in my mind until the realization that a knight in shining armor can be an illusion, but he (or she) can also be a person who’s taken the time to work on their armor.
Not to judge them immediately is hard, but what if what sparkles is just a person who’s taken care of themselves. If we let ourselves get close enough, we can see the wear on their armor. We can see it’s be through battle. We can see how much the world has worked them over, but their care in themselves is seen in their work to mend what was once broken.
And their care in us can be seen if we allow them to care.
If we give them a chance to care.
After all we’ve been through, we can close ourselves off. We can build walls. We can lock ourselves away. We have fear. We have hatred. We have hurt.
Our stubbed toes change how we walk around the corner.
We are more aware of what hurt us and sometimes we layer ourselves with more armor than we need. We can’t move properly in any one direction. We can’t see out of the helmet well enough to make health decisions. We can’t truly protect ourselves and just keep running into walls, mostly the walls we built ourselves.
All because of the layers of armor – the guards we place to never get hurt again.
But…Lighter and stronger, more agile and quicker in response.
Something that stands out not because it is a “female blacksmith”, but because it is better, kinder, healthier, freer…
That’s what we’re trying to be, what we’re trying to find…maybe that’s the goal, right?
To have people that add to our lives. To have a person that makes us happier and kinder?
Because our armor isn’t forged to protect only us, but to create a strength for our loved ones when they are working on their own armor.
As much as we have to be strong for ourselves, we influence others. Our words matter. Our actions matter. I’m not saying to set yourself on fire to keep others warm, but maybe this life is better when we have great people around us. That kind of means we have to be great people too.
I’m pretty excited to meet someone who can handle all of this. Now, I’m not looking for someone to take over the fight for my happiness. I mean we shouldn’t count on anyone for that, but something tells me we all have that one person that’s wears armor specially made for us.
And you know what, our armor is forged in the same fire. A fire that burns so hot, with techniques so unique, and materials so strong, that there is no question they are our person.
So – to those lost in the uncertainty of love… all things are possible. You just have to be open to it – without the friction. It’s okay to be scared, but don’t let that stop you 🌊