Seeing the Differences of Being Loved

If you could have seen the amazing amount of love one woman could provide…

My mama was one strong woman to hold me up before my surgery. She had to watch as my entire world crumbled around me. She rallied for me and, while I didn’t always show my appreciation, she kept me from losing my shit.

There were days I couldn’t breath. There were days I couldn’t do the basics of life, but she was understanding. She was caring. She was loving.

Even in her own frustration with my situation, she knew I needed the support to keep going until I could have my surgery.

When I felt abandoned, a burden, worthless (and so on and so on) she never made me feel that way.

She. Never. Made. Me. Feel. That. Way.

It was her actions that spoke volumes. Her actions spoke of her love, her words aside. There was no emptiness in her words.

New Vid on TikTok @beautiwbeast

Yesterday, I took the picture on the right after a long day. I was exhausted. It was a full day that probably wouldn’t tire anyone out, but I was ready for bed by 4. Okay more like 1, but I’ll say 4 and this picture was around 6.

There is a sense of gratitude here I didn’t take into count. July 2021, I was pushing myself that particular weekend. I was moving through all the sickness. I was immensely proud of myself. I was smile so much. I was hoping my family would see how much progress I made. I was so excited, I even wanted to go out and try and see a movie.

There was only my excitement. I was trying to get myself a little healthier before the surgery, a surgery I was doing so I wouldn’t lose people. I was pushing myself for other people to stay. For a family that still chose to leave.

Yesterday, I pushed myself for myself. I pushed myself because I wanted to be with people I love, with people who love me. I enjoyed the vibe yesterday. I was drained in every kind of way, but I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t stressed. When I needed a minute, I asked someone to give me a minute to finish something first.

It was crazy how I was putting in place my own, not necessarily boundaries, but I was actually using my voice instead of letting myself get overwhelmed. I didn’t just rush around. I just walked it out in my head and worked it out a little vocally hoping people would understand.

And they did.

It’s still a work in progress, but now to relax. Well, homework. Test. Then relax.

Stay grateful, kids. With all you’ve got.

Honor the progress.

Congratulate the wins with grace.

Please always recognize the wins with grace and mercy and hold gratitude at the base of all you do.

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