For the better part of a year, I couldn’t be in a vehicle without feeling like I was losing my body to the fast road under me.
Every part of me wanted to explode, my head and my stomach being the worse. I held on for dear life inside and no one could really understand. It wasn’t just my nerves. It wasn’t me being difficult. It was the world moving at a different direction we were driving in. It was feeling my strength go out of me every time I had to keep myself in my seat.
Driving used to cause me anxiety. I worried at every turn. Then I got used to driving. Being on the highway, my patience for people who weren’t driving right was thin. I used to practice that mantra that I needed to be calm and in control to make it safely home.
They say a nervous driver is likely to cause an accident.
Then the world began to spin off its axis and I had difficulties. I couldn’t drive and I couldn’t ride in a vehicle.
People didn’t understand. People didn’t want to understand. People made it about them.
My situation became about other people and how they thought of me. They took my pain, my trauma, my anger, my feeling of being lost – and made it about them. There was no pity. There was no understanding.
And then I had the surgery.
Most people have seen the difference. Other choose to believe it was just me being lazy for a year.
I took the driver’s seat back and found doctors who knew what I was going through. I made the calls. I started working on me to be stronger for surgery.
With that surgery, I have regained so much more. I’m still healing. I’m still relearning things. I’m still working on myself.
God willing, and in my crazy faith, I know my life is only going to get better from here.
Jesus take the wheel“Jesus Take the Wheel” by Carrie Underwood
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel
We can do so much more when we ask the right one for help.
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