I would like to say my last big hurdle was getting insurance to approve the surgery, but I find my heart and mind are my biggest hurdle before I’m ready for the surgery.
I have worked hard on myself for quite some time now. June, I could really see myself waking up from the beaten mindset.
Today, I find that I’ve got less to put my focus on since I got everything I need to get for the doctors except those pesky COVID tests they require before I go into the hospital.
Now, it’s the little things; heating pad for recovery, a bag packed for the stay in the hospital, the supplies needed will I’m there, etc.
Outside of those things, I have to work on my heart. I’ve found myself praying more and more every day. I like to pray. I’m still getting a grasp on praying again since it’s been so long, but it’s giving me a place to still help others while I’m working on myself.
I know I have to have a strong mindset when I go into surgery. I know myself too well. I can really step in the invisible dog poop if I’m not careful.
I think we all live with fear, even as strong as we may seem. Some things are just so much bigger than us, we can’t see past it.
It’s not a weakness, and it’s not concentrating on the negative, but it is something that can mess up a surgery in no time flat.
I know this surgery is going improve my life more than I even realize. I know I can handle the recovery because I have not only myself, but amazing people around me cheering me on. AND I know that I have something far bigger than any of us keeping me going.
And yet today, fear of what’s to come has take over my head.
But is it fear?
Or is it anticipation?
Someone told me that I can start living again after this surgery, and I can get my mind right, and soar.
I’m working on that mindset as I have for some time now, I told them.
We have to get our mind right first. We have to go in to a scary ass situation with a strong hope, a strong belief, a positive attitude, and a supportive tribe.
Today, I let the line blur between fear and anticipation.
But I’m not going to let that stop me.
And you shouldn’t either.