Trust Your Inner Strength

August 5, 2018

This popped up on my memories feed. I was going through a miscarriage at the time, so soon after we told our families.

I have not had the pleasure of welcoming a little one into this world made of my own flesh.

For many years, I said I didn’t want to have a child.

And then love happened.

And then heartbreak.

I lost every pregnancy I’ve ever experienced.

Without the support I needed, I reeled after the last lost. I questioned my own body and wondered if I was woman enough to carry one of my own.

For a large chunk of my childhood, I fit in with the boys. I played football. I threw shot put and discos for track. I was referred to as a tomboy hating everything about dresses and makeup.

Tomboys don’t have kids…right?

I got clearance for my surgery this week!! We reviewed my tests and everything looked good. My bloodwork was significantly different in some areas, but it was a good thing.

Losing weight and looking like I’ve lost weight has been a huge boost in my confidence that I’m doing something right when so often I’m told I’m not.

Being in an environment without judgement has been amazing for my spirit. I’m not babied or ignored, I’m supported and the strength of these amazing people have made me more excited for the future.

There is an understanding that the person I’ve been isn’t the person I was or want to be. They understand my struggle because they want to understand. They help where they can and allow me to rest when I need it. They know I can only do what I can and pushing too hard has proven to not only aggravate my condition, but cause a significant decline.

My tribe is so determined for me and their positivity that my situation will get so much better after surgery has created a new strength in me.

It’s surreal to see how different people handle my situation. I feel accepted and the heavy feeling of being a burden on anyone is lifting slowly.

The right people in your corner can make all the difference in the world for someone who can’t trust their own body, but that trust is coming back. My body has handled loss and function and it’s still holding on.

If I’ve learned anything in recent months, it’s the amount of strength I truly have inside of me. I brought myself out of a hole and still pushing through the new stress that threatens to ruin my #betteroutcome mentality.

My views and desires are no longer suppressed. The kind of life I want to live is attainable.

More now than ever, I feel like I’m becoming the woman I’ve wanted to be; That woman that could guide little lives in this world.

Family has always been so important to me, but I was made to feel like I couldn’t be a good mom.

Fuck that!

I’m getting a second chance at life and I’m not going to waste it. Being a mom has come to the forefront and it’s holding my heart with both hands.

A new sense of compassion and understanding has blossomed from this. I have so much love to give, I’m ready for someone to accept it and me with the same focus for a better future, a better outcome.

We can’t hide or run from the things that are meant to make us stronger. We can’t just ignore the hard stuff because we don’t feel like dealing. We can’t crawl into another’s bed to escape the world.

Fight for the better outcome with self discovery. Find yourself, work on yourself, and be ready when your whole world lights up.

Listen to your soul as you search for your strength. It will open not only doors and windows, but the whole world to you.

Hear it and keep moving towards that life you want!

Fuel Your Wellness with some soul searching!

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