I Didn’t Want to Have the Surgery

I told the doctor I’d let her know.

I really didn’t want to think about brain surgery.

The fear was strong, but saying it outloud meant I was concentrating on the negative 🙄 which only made it harder to have an open discussion with myself and others.

Even as I’ve been working towards a healthier weight, I almost hoped it would solve all my problems and the surgery could be axed.

Because obviously everything can be solved by eating better and losing weight 🤨 I’m still waiting on the improvement of my dizziness and vertigo.

Obviously, I’m still struggling. Stress and broken hearts will make things worse.

But I reluctantly scheduled the surgery feeling as though I had no choice. Fear taking over. I feared loss over brain surgery.

I became hopeful in my work towards a healthier me. I have a support team – the doctor told me that having a support system in place would help in the recovery.

I’ve really questioned having the surgery in the last week.

When you’re going through the ringer, you wonder if you’re stable enough to make it through the surgery.

I’m still wondering if I should have the surgery.

The reasons I scheduled the surgery are gone.

Finding new reasons isn’t the hard part.

Accepting that the reasons before are gone is the hard part.

That beautiful life you expected after surgery isn’t there anymore.

Even worse, you can’t see past the surgery now.

I didn’t want to have the surgery.

23 days.

Here’s to seeing past the surgery.

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