When You Can’t Work

Holy poopsicle. This year seems like a big fat dream.

I haven’t been able to work for nearly a year.

I can’t drive, so I sold my car to cover expenses. There isn’t much I can’t do without a little extra help right now.

Mentally, I miss being able to work. Even through all the pain, I miss being able to function.

I was a general manager. I could fix heavy machinery and if I physically couldn’t do it, I could tell you how.

At some point, I used my health as my job. Concentrating on getting a little healthier before the surgery to have a better outcome gave me drive.

I hoped my progress could be seen. Especially being so broken for so long, I wanted to show off the strength I had mustered up.

I had pride in the work I was doing. I was controlling what I ate, I was feeling a little better mentally even through the struggle of pain and exhaustion.

I started building stamina and that wrapped into doing more around the house.

It was coming back in pieces. My strength, my mental health, my ability to put more of myself into my work was coming along.

Not having work has been a battle. I know more often we complain about work. I did. Every day. I was unhappy with how much I didn’t feel good. And every day I wanted to skip out.

It didn’t help that all the effort and passion that went into my job was met with people thinking it wasn’t an important job.

All the sacrifices we make for work and then to feel like we’ve been putting effort into the wrong thing for too long can be a gut punch.

I suppose this year has taught me another lesson, Love What You Do.

Working should be easier. With all the talents we have as individuals, we can surround our work with a better attitude if we were doing what we loved.

It’s not always perfect. It can be messy sometimes.

I have no doubt someone will try to burst our bubble no matter what effort we’ve put into our work.

Honestly, anything I’ve wanted to do or tried to do hasn’t always been met with enthusiasm.

I suppose that’s what gives us an excuse not to keep moving forward.

Then the realization comes that we’re looking to the wrong people to lift us up.

So work – let’s dance. Let’s see what we can do with our talents and work towards a better atmosphere in whatever we do. Make peace with the jobs we have or find the work that makes us happy.

Either way, find the happiness in what we do, so we can do what we love.

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